soooo not a ho....

hmm. never saying ho hum again afeter this...i think that last post was bad luck.

so. have to share this cause this creeped the hell outta me...a few days ago i got bored posted an ad on craigslist. libby saw the post, very briefly i had it linked here with a few of the responses. decided if i liked any of the guys and wanted to see any of em again it might not be a good idea so i junked it. anyway. there were some pretty bad ones. (i'll recopy them here later for your entertainment) but a few were ok. and i met up with a few really cool people. don't know if we'll date but i've definately made a few friends. so anywho, yesterday i had planned to meet up with someone else. new guy. he seemed a reasonable enough guy and i figure meeting in a very public place, louisville summer streetfaire would be safe enough right?

well i get there and say hello to guy. guy is nice enough says hello. we talk we go to the OLI for a beer i order a beer and drink it slowly. my girls all know i'm a cheap date and one beer will do me in if i go too fast. anyway we're talking he's areasonable person. kinda reminds me of an old friend and we just talk and he's ok to be around. time rolls by guy orders a second beer and a third. and leaves for the "pisser" god i hate that word...waitres comes by and i beg her not to offer guy another drink. he's drunk enough by now he won't remember to order if she doesn't offer. geez. she agrees, apologizes, and shortly after guy finishes, and decides it's time to check out the tunes that are going on out at the faire down the street. by now he's trying to hold my hand and put his arm around me...uh uh no way buddy. mind you he's so drunk he's almost knocking me over! but i'm not letting a trashed person get in the car. he might get in a wreck, wouldn't want that on my conscience. i'm being responsible and making him walk it off.

wrong. shoulda just let him kill himself. it would have done all of womankind a favor. so guy is walking around. he's bugging the people at the booths, telling the little old mary kay lady that the lotion she's having him sample would be good for ahem...well...anyway, steals a plum from the nice fruit guy from palisade, eats nearly all the jam from the sweet jelly lady...you get the picture.

fortunately he doesn't notice me walking behind apologizing to the people at the booths. until he sees a tree drags me under the tree and tells me he wants a kiss. uh uh, i'm thinking no frigging way. by now he has offered to take me back to his airplane hangar. apparently its really cool. he doesn't have a house, he lives illegally in an airplane hangar. wierd. eww. what the fuck did i do to piss off the blind date gods huh?

i'm realy hoping by now that he'll just sober up so i can get in my car and get the hell out of there but its not gonna hapen. i decide if i feed him he'll sober up and he'll leave right. or i can leave and i'll know its safe he won't kill anyone with his stupid purple truck. yes, purple. what kinda guy drives a purple truck anyway??? so i decide to drag him down to the blue parrot, local spaghetti house been there for eons, and pray that no one i know is working. fortunatley it seems everyone i know has moved on good for them and me.

but before we can get there, guy thinks he wants to see my tattoo thats peeking out above my collar. so he pulls on my shirt. being drunk he nearly pulls my shirt off. i'm in downtown louisville on mainstreet in front of the county clerks office, theres people and kids everywhere...i live around here what the fuck! so i'm trying to pull my shirt back on and he's creeping into the one foot space between 2 buildings and what is he doing? you guessed it can't wait to ge tto the "pisser" at the restaurant! and now i have to burn my favorite shirt! oh forgot to mention as we've been walking he's trying to grab my ass...only patience has kept him alive this long. and i'm relaizing if i don't play it cool and just shrug it off guy could get nasty...

so we go into to the restaurant find out table, and sit down. but guy sees someone he knows and runs across the dining room and yells hey dude hows it hanging. groan. the waitress walks by and asks if we want anything to drink i tell her water please. lots of it. and apologize in advance for his behavior. we order spaghetti. she brings us bread not a slice with the food like they usually do, a whole bowl. bless you nice waitress lady. you're a lifesaver. he eats, and sobers up a little, and finally i decide its safe to go back outside.

i tell him i'm going home, no, i'm going to my home, alone, not to his hangar. i tell him that there's my car, its been fun, but i've gotta go, i'll talk to him later. i figure its safe to leave him now. he has fround a friend and can just go drink with him...no guy wants a ride to his car. no way in hell he's getting in my truck. so i tell him i'll walk him. guy says fine and tells me he usually doen't take no for an answer. i give guy death glare and he realizes he's said too much. hmm definatley sobering up. i leave him at his car. walk back to mine, and leave the nice quite little town of louisville. i get my good friend nickie on the phone, and am freaking out to her. cause i've just gone out with the kinda guy who women stop dating men for...anyway. so i'm in the car and i'm checking behind me to make sure that i'm not being followed, and i'm not so i decide that its safe to go home. so i'm recounting my story to nickie as i sit in my driveway, and what do i see but stupid purple truck driving by my my house slow. he drives off fast when he see's me looking! holy shit how does he kno wwhere i live. definately freaking out now.

so i call dave. being the dutiful ex he checks out the neighborhood for me and sees no purple truck. he takes me to old chicago buys me nachos and lets me tell my story. he offers to sleep on the couch, which i decline, but think about really, really hard. i send him home, have a shot, and i go to bed. and thats my story...

and yes, i will call the cops if i ever see him again!

needless to say i now know what it feels like tobe a cocktail waitress in a skeezy dive bar. i had my ass grabbed, he tried to pull my shirt off and asked if i like to be spanked...eeewwww!


Blogger Wanda said...

Lesley, sorry you had such a bad go of it. Think of it this way, you have a great story to tell about a bad date! Yikes, it is pretty scary to have him hanging around your house. It's not like a purple truck can really be all that incognito.

Anonymous Libby said...

Before your next date, you need to ask what sort of vehicle Prospective Man drives. Purple truck = freak!

Blogger Cathi said...

I'm so sorry, Lesley. What a terrible thing to happen.

Blogger duchessofgravity said...

just so everyone knows, i survived, no worse for wear :) and i can laugh about it now. no he hasn't been back no email no phone calls. its ok. and i've met lots of other nice people so i guess that's all my bad dating karma in one go. i just didn't was just gonna get it all over with at once!

Anonymous Kristen said...

That is horrible!! I think maybe you should buy some mace before the next blind date. Hopefully that will be the only horrific dating experience you will ever have.

Have a great day.


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